Some days I feel like I am sitting looking up at a looming, black door. The door is a passageway to the kind of life I once allowed myself to dream of as a child. It is a life of material well being, where I have a job that inspires others and feeds my soul. There is a loving partner in that life. There is my dream home on a beach, and I type manuscripts on the deck as I watch the setting sun. There is physical health. There is joy. Life is a sensual delight filled with the wonders of foreign lands, delicious wines, and delectable foods.
But I have spent much of my real life settling for so much less. I sit in the shadows, arms wrapped around myself in a solitary hug, closed off from these things. Sometimes I can pretend I don’t hear the calls from my higher self on the other side, but it is getting harder and harder. My excuses and stories are growing thin. The restlessness and desire for more is brewing. I know there will come a time when steps toward the door will be taken. I’ll brave turning the knob. I’ll slowly step through.
So why haven’t I? If you aren’t living the life of your dreams, why aren’t you? What is preventing us from stepping into being our best possible selves and living a big life?
For me it is/has been a combination of things.
Conditional love
I think few people are given creative freedom/unconditional love as we are forming ourselves and growing up. From Day 1 we are conditioned with expectations of behavior by society. We feel pressures to act a certain way, look a certain way, perform certain functions in society and many of these things might not resonate with the truth of who we are.
Even our parents convey a strong sense of the kind of person they expect us to be, the kind of life they envision for us. Though it is meant with love, it can put limits on who we think we can be.
It takes a lot of strength to be our authentic self. It takes a lot of self-love. It takes a lot of faith to believe the rejections we face are actually meant for our highest good. It is only when we get to a place believing that we deserve to be our true self that we can share our gifts with the world and receive the blessings meant for us.
Being taught to settle
We are actually encouraged in a lot of ways to not dream. Dreaming is often thought of as childish. There is this mistaken sense that following a passion somehow is silly, that we need to be “responsible.”
So we end up wasting time trying to be someone else. We focus energy on jobs that don’t fulfill us. We surrender to just getting by. We survive, but don’t really live.
Quite honestly, stepping into a full life requires a lot of effort. We have to be willing to do some hard work. We have to put in the time. We have to honestly look at our inner demons like insecurity, fear, and limiting beliefs. We have to be willing to change. Sometimes it can just be easier to go along with what is. But is that enough?
It is time to release the complacency, the acceptance of merely “good enough.” We are worth more than that. It is time to open our hearts, to take risks, to step into a life we are passionate about.
Who am I to?
We grow up bombarded with messages from the media that we are not good enough as we are, that we need to change, that we need to be like someone else. Instead of seeing the blessings that are in our lives, we see only what is missing. We see only a failure to measure up.
Lack of confidence can lead us to asking “Who am I to ….?” We see ourselves as less than others instead of having an equal light to share. So we just don’t act. We don’t think that those dreams can be ours. We can’t imagine having a “big life.”
In truth we all have gifts to share. They burn within us. Often they are those elements that leave us feeling most vulnerable. It is hard sometimes to remember that the important thing is to just to be true to ourselves, to share, without expectations of others.
No one else was meant for your path, for the work you are here to do. You came into this life, as you are, for a reason. Let your truth come forth. Let your spirit burn brightly. The world awaits the blessing of the REAL you.
Not having a good support structure.
We all feel fragile and afraid. We all sometimes “fail.” If you don’t have a support structure of people whispering “You’re okay.” “Go for it.” “I believe in you.” it can be really hard to move forward.
So be sure to surround yourself with people who honor you, who believe in you, who support your efforts. They will be the strength that lifts you up during the hard times. They will remind you that you are worth the effort when you feel like giving up. They will encourage you to try again.
I am hoping that working on these things will help me to move forward in time. I would love to hear about how you conquered fears and resistance and went after a dream. Or share your vision with me about what your “big life” would be like. I hope you will feel inspired after sharing to take a step toward making those dreams a reality. Don’t forget I am happy to be a cheerleader when you need it. I believe in you!
We can push open those doors, with fearlessness, time, and effort. We can manifest the life we long for. So what are we waiting for?
The good news is, after you take one step, then another, and then another, it gets much easier to be your “authentic self” as opposed to the one people want/expect you to be. And just stepping out of those boundaries and embracing your true nature really goes a long ways towards finding the confidence to go after your dreams, no matter what might stand in the way. For me, that was the biggest key. Finding the courage to step away from what my parents and those around me thought I *should* be.
While I’m not living my dreams just yet, I’m a lot closer and far more confident than I ever have been before that someday, I’ll reach them. It’s a lot easier now than it used to be. And I’d encourage you in your journey as well – be strong & have faith.
This is very thought-provoking. I love it. I have too many talented friends in my life who allow others to define them. I want to take their pain and misery away, but I can’t. I will be forwarding this to them.
I, like you, have tried to settle, do what’s expected, got 2 weeks away from joining the Marine Corps, even. The Universe let me know several times that I have other things to do. I have to be ME, even if it kills me. Doesn’t always make for a harmonious existence, though. People came out of the woodworks to “put be back on the right path” so to speak. It reminds me of that phrase, “If you want peace, prepare for war.” I used to fight those that opposed me being ME. That was tiring and the battle wounds took awhile to heal. I now have ingenious ways of side-stepping those who try to block me… on many levels.
Because I choose to go around, that inflames people, and makes them come after me harder, JUST TO SHOW ME THEY’RE RIGHT. Should I choose to engage with their “efforts”, I react with peaceful detachment. I let them know that while their heart is in the right place (even though it’s really their ego on the rampage), this is my life. They can choose to witness it or find somewhere else to be. Then I move on.
My opinion about the media’s message that we’re not good enough? It’s a money thing. If we’re happy and feel good about ourselves, we don’t spend money. Insecurity is a cash cow for big business.
Having yammered on, I must say that I LOVE having you as my cheerleader! You’ve no earthly idea how much your support means to me. It chokes me up to think about it. I adore and deeply treasure you and all you’re bringing to the world. *BSH*
Wow, this post really spoke to me.
I wish I’d read it years ago.
Being and doing what others want in an effort to make them happy can take you to some very dark places of the soul.