But you run away

On a dark road before dawn had broken, this song came on my car’s radio to haunt me.

There is a deep resonance for me that might sound a little odd. In a way it is like my higher self singing to me. I’ll explain.

“You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me.”

There has always been a lingering sense that I am so much more than I have allowed myself to express in my life. But I’ve been too afraid. I’ve blocked and avoided various experiences in my life. For whatever reason, I wasn’t ready. But this year seems to be one of awaking that potential. I am being given a chance to dream again.

I’m slowly moving forward…doing things I would not have done before. I am trying to stop running away from what my soul is calling me to do. The saying when the student is ready, the teacher will come is holding true. I’ve had several amazing ones already this year.

I took a writing class from Jeremy C. Shipp, one of my favorite authors. Yes, I consider Jeremy to be a friend and one of the best souls I know, but more than that — I have a deep respect for his writing. His use of unique imagery, the emotional truth within his work, and the transformative power of his stories are qualities I treasure. Putting my work out there for him and others to review and critique was challenging, but I needed the chance for growth. He and the others taught me so much. It was a wonderful journey. It helped me to see myself as a writer again.

“I made a mess, who doesn’t
I did my best
But it wasn’t
Enough”

Through Twitter, I met a wonderful vocal artist called TC Parmelee. She blessed me by recording my story Darkness Comes. The story got picked up by the ShadowCast Audio Anthology podcast. That was a first for me and amazing experience.

Well TC Parmelee is not only a talented voice actress, she is a belly dancing instructor. As part of an assignment for Jeremy’s class I spoke with her about how she came to be a belly dancer and the experience of being a student and a teacher. Her story inspired me. She spoke about the sisterhood of her classes. She rejoiced in women learning how to see themselves as beautiful, no matter their body type.

I’ve made a mess of my heart through self-judgment, but no longer. Now I’m taking the plunge. Tonight will be my first belly dancing class. The lovely TC Parmelee was and continues to be my teacher of goddess energy and self-love.

“I’ll give you something you can cry about
One thing, you should try it out
Hold a mirror shoulder-high
When you’re older, look you in the eye.”

I feel like I am reaching that moment of truly beginning to grow up. I am being called to align my life with my inner truth. I want to look in the mirror and see the spirit I know is within.

Which brings me to my amazing mentor and life coach, Pam Thomas. She is helping me find the courage to try. She has reminded me that I truly do want to live — not just exist. I want a life of joy, passion, fulfillment. It is time to do the work, embrace possibility, and open up. It’s time to be fierce. It’s time to be vulnerable. It’s time to appreciate my gifts and those of others. There is a blessing available to us every second.

Basically I want to encourage you to stop running, too. Ask yourself:

• What is worth living for?
• What gifts have you been hiding within yourself?
• What are your passions?
• What would you do if you wouldn’t be told “No”?
• What would your ideal life be like?

Now scare yourself a little bit. Take a step out of your self-limiting patterns and try something new. Give yourself the chance to surprise yourself. Allow yourself to visualize and go after the life you truly desire.

You are capable. You are worthy of it.