There’s a beast called doubt
That tears at my heart.
Worse than its claws, it bleeds with whispers.
Paints my eyes with scenes of failings,
The backs of beloveds as they walk away.
Doubt would tell my soul these horrors are truth.
And indeed there are moments I weep,
When my heart feels ripped open with loss and loneliness.
When I feel I can’t remember who I really am
For all the falsehoods I present to stay safe, stay accepted.
There is no one in the night to hold me in those times.
And all I can do is fight from the depths,
Attempt to cloak myself in the love I remember.
Pray to heaven, to earth, to the angels, to hold me in their light.
Let me see in the darkness.
Though I’ll bear the scars of knitted wounds,
I will survive another battle.
And my heart will mend again.
Doubt may know no death,
But neither does love.
May it one day set me free.
May I know a time without such a war.