Finding my why….

There is a beautiful quote by Friedrich Nietzsche that is really haunting my thoughts today:

“If we have our own why of life, we shall get along with almost any how.”

As I close in on/refine my weight-loss goal, I’m now being challenged to look at other aspects of my life. What really do I want to do? Where do I want to live? How do I want to spend my energy and time?

It’s a time for dreaming. Ah…dreams. Don’t we all have them? Shouldn’t we be able to easily state our dreams for ourselves and our lives? It’s not that easy, is it?

Most of us get conditioned early on to not listen to our passions, our hearts. We may feel that we have to be “responsible.” We may have a passion that has been dismissed or ridiculed by family or friends in the past.  We may have been told that pursuing our dreams was selfish, arrogant. We may have been led to believe that simply earning a paycheck, getting a home, and having the car are what defines success.

We little by little shut down our emotions, our intuition, that voice that says “there’s more.” We exist. We don’t really live. We get by. We punch the clock.

Well, I think I’m beginning to find the strength within to say, “To Hell with that.”

There is so much wonder and magic and beauty in this world. Why do I, do we, tolerate a life that is less than full?  Manifesting change, growing, becoming our authentic selves is hard work. Yes, there is great joy in life, but there will also be challenges. To do the work, we have to find what really will make it worthwhile. Hence, we must find our “why,” so that we can enjoy/tolerate/pass through the “how.”

I’m sure we’ve all experienced times when we’ve talked ourselves out of trying for something we desire. I’m sure we’ve begun a process and then found our will power lacking. Why? It’s about choice. A choice to take a constructive action or a destructive action.

So how do we come to a place within where we are willing to make the healthy, constructive choice?

Clearly define what you are working toward.

Jillian Michaels has a great example as she speaks about getting healthy. She asks her clients what does getting healthy/losing weight really mean to them? Does it mean fitting into particular clothes? Achieving strong arms so that you can lift and play with your child? Does it mean feeling slim and sexy so you have the confidence to go out and meet people? Get down into the real nitty, gritty detail of what your desire is, what it means to you.

Here are some examples for myself and my weight:
*I want to weigh 100 pounds. (A clear, specific, realistic target).
*I want strong, sexy, toned arms and legs so that I feel confident and can wear cute, fashionable clothes. (A clear physical example of what I want and how it will impact my life.)
*I want long-term health that will make the process of getting older more graceful. I want less pain, more enjoyment of activities, and a healthy heart as I age. (A long-term vision.)
*I want to feel good enough about myself that I can find a mate, fall in love, enjoy sex. (An emotional connection to the goal.)

When we are specific, we give ourselves something worth fighting for. In a moment of choice, we have a constructive goal/option that has more emotional appeal than the destructive option.

Reward yourself

Many of our destructive habits come out of a feeling of entitlement. We struggle with so many things in our lives, work so hard, that we feel that we deserve something that makes us feel good. Of course we deserve enjoyment! Of course we deserve to reward ourselves for hard work. But here’s the key — we must find ways to reward and nurture ourselves that aren’t destructive.

For women it may be something that makes them feel beautiful: getting a new hair cut, or a mani-pedi. You may enjoy treating yourself to a massage. You may reward yourself for lifting weights and working so hard on those arms with a new top that shows them off. Find sources of deliciousness and joy, but make them ones that don’t counteract your goals.

Visualize and Play

Achieving something worthwhile takes effort, so try to make it as enjoyable as possible. If you’re wanting to lose weight,  choose activities that push you but that you also don’t dread (or better yet  – look forward to).  As you exercise, hold that vision of those strong arms you want, dancing with your boyfriend/girlfriend, playing with your kid…whatever it is that you are working toward. Feel it now. Be in that body now. Change is exciting! Feel empowered! Feel the joy of knowing you are doing something good for yourself. In other words, hold your “why” close to your heart! Remind yourself it is worth it.

Always, always, always remember that you deserve to love yourself and love your life. You ARE worth the effort it will take to achieve your dreams.

Doing the work to lose the weight I’ve lost has taught me many things:
* I have more discipline than I could have ever imagined.
* I have the power to change things about myself and my life.
* I will make sacrifices in time and effort to achieve something if I feel it is important enough.
* Set backs are not endings. They are opportunities for learning.
* Our imagination can either feed our fears, our empower our vision.

I’ll take this experience and my learnings as I move on to new challenges. Every moment is a chance to work on creating the life we desire. I invite you to read Unlimited by Jillian Michaels.  I just picked it up and am utterly engrossed in it. I’m learning so much, thinking about so much. I invite you to join me — examine your life, reconnect with your passions,and dreams. Find the “why” and then settle for nothing less than your goal. We’ll get through the “how’s” together.

Namaste.