Recently I longed to stay under the covers, hiding from the sun, the chirping birds, the World. I knew if I threw off those covers, planted my feet on the ground, and started the day I’d have a lot of work ahead of me. There is the day job to go to, dishes to be done, cats to feed and clean up after, Pilates videos to torture and nurture me. Heck, to deal with the chaos I must not forget about meditation (scheduled promptly at 8 p.m. thank you very much.)
Yes, I was greeted each morning by actual and mental to-do lists screaming at me to be checked off. I realized today that keeping such lists might be something I need to take a break from.
I’d noticed that I have gotten in the mode of avoiding, or more accurately resisting, some of the work I need to do. Stories aren’t getting written. Spiritual work isn’t getting attended to. I took a look at what was going on in my heart and head. I realized that I was subconsciously envisioning this huge to-do list before me, and it was shutting me down. I was feeling buried beneath it all. So the part of my psyche that protects myself was shouting “Stop!” and demanding downtime. She was asserting that I needed time to breathe and have fun.
As I pondered this fact, the deeper message hit home. It wasn’t really about the activities. The things I wanted to get done were important for taking care of me. I want to be healthy; therefore I want to exercise (and honestly it feels dang fun once I start). It does my emotional state good to have my house in order; therefore I try to stay on top of cleaning. I want to be a writer; so I need to sit down and get lost in those other worlds as I conquer a blank screen.
No, the issue was in my attitude toward the activities. Having lists made these things “work.” Who wants to have more hours of work after getting done with their day job? Not me.
So for a while I’m going to avoid the list making as much as possible. I am going to focus on one activity, one moment at a time. Hopefully this will help me be able to have more of an attitude of joy and play toward these elements of my life.
Why am I sharing this story? Because resistance is our teacher. She helps us take note of things that need adjusting in our lives – even if it is just our attitude toward something. One of the most fun and effective ways to find out what your resistance is trying to say is to sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and dialogue about it. Actually ask that part of yourself what is going on and why it is resisting doing something. Let it answer.
You might be surprised what you find out.
My lists and routines do the opposite for me – I get overwhelmed if I don’t have everything all laid out and scheduled. But I know a lot of people just get buried under the weight of all those “to do’s” staring them in the face first thing, so kudos to you for recognizing that, and pushing it all aside for a little mental freedom. You’re absolutely right – gotta work *with* yourself, not against.
Oh lists are a way of life for me. So good to set them aside once in a while. We really drive ourselves too hard sometimes. I hope letting go of the lists helps you refresh and get things going the way that’s best for you. I’d love to hear how it works out for you sometime.
Ah, the To-Do List. I have a love/hate relationship with mine. I love having them around for work or else I would be all over the place and deals would be falling through the cracks. I hate having them for personal stuff that is supposed to be fun. It can definitely suck the fun right out! I have been known to put “me time” in the calendar, but, once that happens, I know I need to re-evaluate the entire situation. Something is not right if that happens. Luckily it isn’t often.
I think it’s a great idea to put the list aside for now. It sounds like it’s blocking your creativity and we CANNOT have that! The world is a much better place when we have your stories to read